Gross, gross, gross!!! That is all I can say!!!! Yesterday, I woke up beyond early because Jenni wanted to get up and play. Strange! Then she slept all afternoon. Anyhoo, I looked outside, and it was a GROSS blizzard. I mean really!!? It didn't have to be that yucky!! So, I closed all the curtains, turned up the heat and pretended that it was really actually nice outside. That worked ok until this morning when I had to get up early, again, to go to worship team practice, and had to trudge through the drifts that were shin high. Gross!!! AND...to top it all off, we drove to Didsbury for Ethan & Jacob's birthday (Jan 4), and Dad's birthday celebration at Ryan and Linds' house. It was fun, but we had to leave early because we didn't want to drive home in the dark. Totally understandable...and truthfully I have gotten a lot done around the house this evening, but I would much rather spend time with family then do housework.
Also, I have really be struggling with body image. My whole family is OBSESSED with body image. My dad actually said to me once, " You were so thin when you were young. What happened to you?" It just seems like the whole body image message is being SHOUTED at me at all angles. I mean, I can distinctly remember being told that I was overweight when I was wearing a size 10/11. Man would I give my eye teeth to be back there again!!! I am now lucky if I can get into a 14/15, and usually just go with either a 16 or my old maternity pants because they are more comfortable. I am working at getting some weight off by doing exercise 3x a week and drinking more water. If that doesn't help then I will go to changing how much and what I eat. I just think the biggest thing is that I need to be more active, but even when I get to my goal weight, according to BMI and the doctors, and I am sure my family, I will still be overweight. Once I am at my goal weight though, I will be happy with my body, and I won't care what other people think. It is right now, where I know that I am not where I should be that I care when people notice. Do you really think I need to be told that I need to lose weight?? No, I know it myself already, and it is my responsibility to address the problem...NOT YOURS!!! The famous Billy Joel lyrics come to mind, "I don't care what you say any more this is my life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!" I think that is going to be my new motto. Just think Billy Joel Tiff, just think Billy Joel!
And, to make matters worse, I know that Satan is using this against me. The most stupid things have been coming to mind lately. One being that everyone does have an opinion on me and my body, which I am sure that they don't, but Satan just gets in there and picks picks picks...right where it hurts.
So, if you are thinking about it, just toss a prayer in for me. Satan has been playing with me lately, and I have been falling victim to his EVIL lies! I know that God cares for me just as I am, and that he is proud of me for taking care of the body that he blessed me with. But, I don't want to obsess about how I look or how much I weigh, because that is NOT something I want to pass on to my little girl. She is going to get enough of that in the world, she doesn't need it at home too!
So, prayer for wisdom, and that Satan will LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
Ps. Sean and I are good again. He is no longer a stinky poop of a man!!!
ok i hate this post... i am singing billy joel now!!! lol the truth is tiff you are beautiful, inside and out. call me anytime and i will remind you that you are like a sparkly pixie that shines in every room you enter. and while God absolutly wants us to take care of ourselves, the outside is just the dust jacket and while yours is very pretty it is not who you are, that is all inside. and remember that while you look at yourself and remember yourself thinner, jenni looks at you and LOVES you, this you, right now, thats her cuddly mamma and she would not have it any other way. you wont be a better mom if you are thinner, you wont be a better christian, or friend, or person, you will simply be the same wonderful tiffany i already absolutly love.
ReplyDeleteOk, so I'm sorry. You are projecting because I am always so down on my weight. I think you are beautiful and perfect just like you are. I think you would be a little happier if you felt good about how you looked but no amount of weight is going to change the fact that you have the most beautiful eyes, lashes to die for, a nose that is so cute I want to bite it (remember I only bite those I love) and most of all your personality makes you the most beautiful person I know. You are brightand sunny, sparkly even. You are so talented and a wonderful person inside and out. You're right, Satan has this way of turning us against ourselves. I believe you got this self destructive thinking from me and I am so sorry. I am working on it myself. I will be seeing an eating disorder counsellor to help me get my head around whatI really look like versus what I felt likeat 280 pounds. I will try to only be positive for you. You don't need my garbage. I love you so much and am so blessed you are my daughter.
ReplyDelete